The Chinese gambit

The following remarks by Pres. Trump we're relayed by an undisclosed and unverified source who knows a guy. Trump was meeting yesterday with his inner circle- Jared, Ivanka and Sean the cleanup man (for fans of paranoid). Trump said as follows:

"As you know I had a very very fantastic, truly unbelievable and remarkable meeting with President Xiof China. We really bonded and I could tell that he was impressed with my knowledge and opinions, really overwhelmed ,by the startled expression on his face when I talked to him. Subsequently, I have made him an offer he can't refuse that will take care of these so-called North Korea problem. As you know, Kim, the leader of North Korea is a really bad dude, I mean really really bad. But I proposed a really fantastic deal with President Xi. We will open a chain of Chinese restaurants in the United States called Donnie and Xi's House of Chinese delights. The Trump Corporation will sell franchises and will basically own the operation but Xi will get points in the deal. I will of course have nothing to do with this business other than owning it and getting monthly checks. This will be highly beneficial to the country of China as it will increase awareness of the Chinese brand and stimulate trade. In order to sweeten the deal, I am asking Ivanka and Jared to work with rabbis around the country to allow pork dishes to be eaten at these restaurants by Jewish customers. I know some of these rabbis and they are really really great, tremendous people, even the ones that wear those cute little caps that look like half of one of Melani's bras. A specialty item at these restaurants will be chocolate cake because Xi really loves chocolate cake even though he found it hard to eat with a chopstick. We are going to manufacture an item to be called 'Trump sticks'which will be little chopsticks with a fork on the end.

In return Xi will require Kim to give up and turnover for inspection all of his missiles and bombs and other artillery weapons. I could make this deal quickly but I don't want to eclipse Xi's role in the far east as he is an unusually prideful person, unlike me. It should be easy to convince a paranoid dictator whom we are threatening to attack to give up his weapons. We would of course let Kim keep a cache of small arms in case he needs to bump off one of his relatives."