Dr. evil and mini me

The Don and the mooch, or as they are sometimes called Dr. evil and Minime are on the warpath. Dr. evil just concentrating much of his ire on the disloyal attorney general Sessions. And uncorroborated rumor from an unreliable source says that Sessions will be demoted to private with the stars torn off of his shoulders. The Dr./ Don continues to be upset and indignant over now private Sessions'recusal of himself from the Russian investigation. The Dr/Don is particularly upset because the recusal was apparently done for ethical considerations. He is reported to have said that he does not want anyone on his administration taking actions for ethical reasons because it makes him look bad by comparison. Sessions has gone too far he is reported to have sad.

The Dr. Don is also angry about leaks. There have been leaks from members of Congress and the CBO about the health bills that the White House has been advocating. Apparently details of the provisions of those bills and the effect that the bills would have on the American public are being disclosed. Dr. Don believes these unwarranted disclosures  impede his ability to sign a bill. I don't need to know and I don't know what's in them and neither does the public, he reportedly said. I just want to sign something. The DrDon has also sent interior secretary Zinke to put the squeeze on the senators from Alaska. Zinke is the right man for the job he said. He was a Navy seal and knows how to carry out an assault. We will make Alaska an offer they cannot refuse.

Meanwhile, mini me is proving he is the right man for the job. He is on the rampage for the leaking of public available information. Having been to Harvard Law school, he knows that leaking publicly available information is a felony that he has asked the FBI to investigate. Mini me vows there will be no more leaks. I am from New York he says and we know how to fix leaks, permanently. In fact, my uncle Guido" the plumber" is an expert at this. Mini me also is on a mission to get rid of the chief of Staff, the guy with the funny name. In someway he is responsible for the leaks. It is nobody's business what domestic programs and foreign strategies Dr. evil and I will pursue. The public will know when it happens.

"The Mooch" takes over

The Don's new Consigliari, Anthony" The Mooch" Scaramucci, swiftly demonstrated he is no shrinking violet. In a round of television appearances, the mooch swiftly dispelled any notion that there would be a need to engage in any extensive questioning of the Don or his family's actions. The mooch gave his personal testimony that the Don was not only the greatest but the most lovable and could not have possibly said or done things that needed to be questioned. The mooch also gave a personal testimony as to the Don's family, his son" Sonny" and his son in law Jiacomo Kushiano. These are also wonderful people and could not possibly have done anything worthy of investigation, including any meetings with the Russians that may have occured and if they did the mooch who was not there and doesn't know if the meetings happened gave his personal testimony that nothing could have possibly occurred.

When asked whether and in what form there would be White House news briefings the mooch said that had not yet been decided. There is speculation, actually I am starting it, that the mooch plans to have panels representing the White House, rather like the news networks use.  For instance, the White House might bring in for a news briefing not only the mooch but also Kellyanne and Sarah and maybe others. They would then have a panel discussion of whether any questions were worthy of being answered. This would fill up the allotted time and get rid of those vexatious follow-ups.

There is also speculation, and you heard it here first, that in his expanded role the mooch instead of Sonny and Jiacomo will appear this week to be questioned by the special counsel and/or congressional committees. There is no need to waste the time of these wonderful honest people, the mooch said, when I can give my testimony. I did, after all, go to the Harvard law school. What more could you want?

Don Trumpaloni goes to the mattresses

Today Don Trumpaloni announced he had appointed a new Consigliari, Anthony Scaramucci. I am at war the Don said. I am at war with the media, The press, The Justice Department, The special counsel, The Democrats, many republican members of Congress and all those who are obsessed with factual accuracy. Accordingly, I needed a wartime Consigliari. Sean Spicer, notwithstanding his obsequious loyalty, was simply not up to the job. There appears to be some evidence that members of my administration have been consorting and conspiring with the Barzini wing of the Republican Party. There are also attacks being made against my son "Sonny" Trumpaloni. This I do not forgive. For safety, I am sending my other son to Las Vegas to run the casino for his safety.

Because I am now on a wartime footing, I will no longer be personally holding White house briefings which I don't do anyway. Scaramucci will be in charge of communicating warnings to my enemies. My patience has been sorely tried. I will be signing a series of Orders aimed at controlling and eliminating this nest of vipers that has been unfairly attacking me.

Trump to repeal name" Obama care"

It has been reported by anonymous unreliable sources that Donnie Will ask Congress to pass a statute repealing the name "Obamacare". We promise the American people we would repeal Obama care and it is time to do that. With this action, Obamacare will cease to exist. There is also something called the Affordable Care Act and we will repeal that name too. When asked how that would affect healthcare generally in the United States Drop said it will be very very beautiful, everyone will be extremely extremely happy. Drop was asked whether the new health care plan would satisfy his campaign promises to provide insurance for everyone at a lower cost with better coverage and with smaller deductibles. Trump replied that are would be a really really beautiful health plan. When asked how Medicare would be affected Trump replied there will be a really really beautiful health plan. Trump said he wanted the repeal of the names on his desk to sign as soon as possible. I really like to sign things he said, And then hold them up for people to see my beautiful signature. When I sign things it means that I won and as everyone knows I am a winner.

Donnie also said he was pleased that the investigation into voter fraud in the 2016 election was proceeding. When asked what evidence there was of any voter fraud Donnie replied that it was obvious. It was claimed that he did not win the popular vote and that could not be true. Therefore, it stands to reason that there must've been voter fraud, particularly in New York and California because he was actually very popular in those two states and yet it is claimed that he lost the popular vote by a wide majority. Donnie said he thought this investigation could proceed quickly because the investigators already know what the answer will be.

Donnie also repeated what are you told the New York Times that he was extremely mad and disappointed with the Justice Department. I told them I did nothing wrong and yet the special prosecutor keeps asking questions. This must stop. I want to sign something that says so and hold it up for everyone to see.

An American in Paris

This is not about Gene Kelly dancing Down the Champs Elysees to the music of George Gershwin. This is about Donnie going to Paris for Bastille day and to meet Brigette Macron and maybe also her husband, Emmanuel. Donny was also excited because someone told him that the Marquis de Sade had been released from the Bastille prison on that day. Donnie thought the marquis really understood women. And speaking of women, it was reported by an unidentified and unreliable source who knew a guy that Donnie in so many words said" boy, if I had a a had a high school teacher like that I probably would still be in high school. I really developed a very very really incredible special relationship with Brigette, I could hardly let her go." Donny was said to have been saying that he thought he and Emmanuel would really get along and have a special relationship because they both we're currently married to really really hot women. You can tell really powerful men by the women they are currently with. That Brigette was really something and I could tell that she was really really attracted to me but circumstances prevented any relationship from being pursued.

Her husband and I also discussed France and the United States. He talked about how France helped the Americans during our Revolutionary war and I guess that was true although I don't know how much help it really could've been because boats were slow in those days. I told him that France wouldn't even exist these days without the United States and that unfair trade practices must cease. Particularly, I told him that Trump wine had been badly damaged by the predatory practices of the French exporters even though Trump wine had a Merlot far better than the disappointing château Petrus he served at dinner. I told him that if Brigette with whom I have developed a really really special relationship would bring him to the White House I would serve a great wine with the KFC that he would find far better then that stuff called ris de veau that he expected me to eat in the Eiffel Tower, which I am sure is smaller and shorter than Trump tower. Luckily, there was a lot of bread and potatoes which I told him should be called American fries.

When I left I could tell that Emanuel was really impressed by me but that the really special relationship I had developed was with Brigette.

Very Very Trumpy

In the last few days the network panels have been consumed with discussing what was said in the meeting between Putin and Trump. Of course none of them were there nor was there any transcript. They are dealing with secondhand information, or maybe misinformation, and if you word said by Trump .Nonetheless, they are parsing these words and phrases at none of them heard with great care. This could be quite hilarious if they were not so serious about it. First of all, the notion that Donald Trump uses words with any precision, or that he says anything not subject to immediate change, is absurd. One of the topics of discussion is whether Donald Trump said" the American people are concerned about Russian interference in the election" instead of saying" I am concerned". Then they are all a dither about whether he said to quit interfering or accepted Putin's statement that he had nothing to do with it. As with everything else, Trump will continue to contradict himself and wander aimlessly through important issues with no map to guide him.

Now, for those who like to listen to trump carefully I have a clue. Count carefully the number of superlatives he uses, particularly the word" very". It is sort of like looking at the number of stars in a restaurant review. For instance after a short meeting he declared he had a" very special "relationship with Theresa May. A single very is not a strong message. If he says a meeting or a bill was very, very good  that is a two star. If he wants to claim even more he will say something like " it was a very very, a really fantastic meeting". That's fairly high review. However if he says "it was a very very great meeting, it was fantastic, really remarkable I have to tell you " then he is really really very very high on his claims.

It is pretty clear that if Trump were prohibited from using the word very he would not be able to speak. Wouldn't that be wonderful? But, it's not going to happen so just be content with counting his verrys and remember it's all bullshit anyway.

Gullible's Travels

So Donnie is off to Liliput and Brobdingnag to set the world straight. First he goes to Warsaw where he has some snappy ethnic jokes that will doubtless please the Polish. Then he is onto the G 20 summit where he will have a heart to heart with Pootie.

Meanwhile, Russia and China are having a summit of their own. They have a purpose was to propose a North Korean problem proposal. However, a highly placed and typically totally unreliable source at this meeting has disclosed the true purpose. What Pootie and Xi did was toast their good fortune and discuss their plans to increase the power and importance of Russia and China in world politics and economics at the expense of the United States. Xi could not help chortling about the United States withdrawing from the TPP agreement. That agreement he said would have increased  the importance of the US in the Far East and actually provided economic benefits to the US. Now, I'm becoming the only game in town.

Isn't it great, said Pootie. I'm going to have a one-on-one sitdown with Donnie. I'll begin by telling him how cruelly and unfairly he is being treated by the American press even though he is doing his best to care of the mess and carnage he inherited from all his predecessors. Then I will tell him that what he needs is more power and the ability to veto anything done by Congress or the courts and to shutdown the press. He is already envious of my power and I will stoke the fires.

The two agreed that life is indeed good.

Rumor has it that Donnie is working on a plan to solve problems of famine and starvation in Africa. He has been told by Steve Bannon and Sebastian Gorka that he should look at the plan that Jonathan Swift developed to solve the problem of hunger in Ireland.