Trump saves millions of jobs

Donald Trump announced in a hastily called pressed conference in the lavish, Tremendous, fantastic restroom of his Florida resort that recent actions of his have saved millions of jobs. He said he had been in contact with groups representing agriculture in the United States and that thousands of wheat, corn, soybean and other farmers had agreed to cancel their plans to move their farms overseas, probably to Asia. Some had been worried about climatological change's which he assured them do not exist. Don't believe what you are experiencing he said,believe what I tell you. There is so much fake news out there.

He also announced a program to end scientific and technological advances in the United States." Those advances create what are called labor saving devices which eliminate good paying jobs. Have you seen a modern car manufacturing plant? There are machines in there that do the work formally done buy many more workers. This has got to stop. Also, it has come to my attention that coal mining is largely accomplished with huge machinery in open pits. We have got to get those coal miners back in the tunnels with shovels and picks. That will create not only many more mining jobs but also an increased demand for medical services, particularly in the area of heart and lung care.

Trump also announced he has learned that more than 60% of GDP–whatever that is, probably some concept invented by the tremendously deceitful press–is consumer and retail based.We have got to stop those jobs from leaving the country. Other countries, particularly China, Bangladesh Vietnam and other southeast Asian countries are taking unfair advantage of the United States, by witness of the fact that their standards of living are so much higher than ours. Trump noted for instance as an example the increasing number of KFC franchises in China. This migration has got to stop he stated. Trump also noted that Asia is very peculiar and does things backwards. For instance, he said he had learned that the prime minister of Japan's name was Shinzu Abe. That, he said it was ridiculous. His name should be Abe Shinzu. Abe is a first name and if it was good enough for Lincoln it ought be good enough for this guy. Also  he said the premier of Canada has a French name that sounds like dresses designed by his daughter Ivanka." Are you kidding me, he said?"

Trump did not take questions because the restroom was starting to fill up by people there for reasons other than his press conference. He did state that it had been a fantastic, a tremendous press conference with the largest crowd ever to attend a press conference in a public restroom.